Emotional Ledgers and Why They Keep Us from Abundance (HuffPo Comment)

[The below is a comment to this HuffPo article on "Emotional Ledgers".]


I'm a great believer in "paying forward" and giving freely, without compunctio­n or obligation -- for the very reasons you cite. But sometimes this opens the door to exploitati­on and abuse.

For example, just over a year ago a friend of mine was in the dumps so I visited him and gave him a backrub. Later he raved about how wonderful it was to simply receive this, precisely because I didn't expect anything back. A few months later, he asked me over -- and expected similar treatment, again with no reciprocat­ion other than the joy of his enjoyment.

Over the following year, this pattern repeated itself several times.

Granted, he is hearty in his appreciati­on, but I began to feel so taken for granted that it made me physically ill. Bear in mind, he is not my boyfriend, and neither of us has any romantic interest in the other. In fact, we are not even especially close friends beyond this activity!

Then, a few months ago, he asked me to dinner -- and he didn't even OFFER to pay! And, worse, I felt horribly guilty for even hoping that he would because I had been so stuck in my "Giving Tree" mindset.

Not knowing quite how to handle this, I have simply avoided him and stalled his repeated requests for "manual" attention.

I want to tell him I'm feeling taken for granted, without it coming off like a demanding attack. Or do I just keep stalling, and hope he'll figure it out?

Read the Article at HuffingtonPost