Tandava's Guide to The Zone -- Part I, New Year's Eve

It's that time of year! Champagne corks will fly and balls will drop, and many of us will spend at least some time in The Zone.

This year, as every year, SyFy (formerly the Science Fiction Channel, or SciFi) will air 88 episodes for its New Year's Twilight Zone marathon, starting 8am on 12/31 and ending at 6am on 1/2. So that's a lot of Serling for your dollar... but how do you tell the quality from the clunkers?

Unfortunately, SyFy is not airing any of the beautiful hour-long episodes from Season 4, but there are still classics aplenty among the half-hour episodes. All ten of Time Magazine's Top Twilight Zone Episodes will be featured (they are in red), along with some lesser known beauties like "The Masks" and "In Praise of Pip", (in fuchsia), and finally a few that are not perfect, but have notable performances (in blue).

Here is a short list of my favorite episodes which will be aired on Friday, December 31st, followed by a full list of all episodes, with brief descriptions and hopefully not too many spoilers. Celebrity names and other items of interest are bolded.

In a few days, I'll post a rundown of episodes to be aired from 1/1 through the morning of 1/2.

Happy Zoning!

My Favorites -- Short List

9:30 AM -- A Thing About Machines
10:30 AM -- And When The Sky Was Opened
12:30 PM -- In Praise Of Pip
3:30 PM -- A Penny For Your Thoughts
4:30 PM -- Walking Distance
5:00 PM -- A Hundred Yards Over The Rim
6:30 PM -- It's A Good Life
7:00 PM -- Eye Of The Beholder
7:30 PM -- The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street
10:00 PM -- The Hitch-hiker
11:30 PM -- The Masks


Full List -- With Descriptions

8:00 AM -- Perchance To Dream – Neat psychodrama with some freaky felinesque dream sequences.

8:30 AM -- The Four Of Us Are Dying – Guy who can change his face learns he can’t change his scumbag nature.

9:00 AM -- The Fever – Well-acted but ultimately hokey morality play about gambling addiction.

9:30 AM -- A Thing About Machines – One of my all-time faves about a guy who beats up on his machines -- which, in 1960, was his typewriter, electric razor, TV and car -- and they gang up to have their revenge. I have to wonder what this episode would look like today! ("Now, why don’t you get out of here, Finchley!!")

10:00 AM -- What's In The Box – Lame and ridiculous episode about a couple’s bickering leading to accidental murder and capital punishment. Freaky TV predicts it all. There, now you don’t have to watch it and aren’t you glad?

10:30 AM -- And When The Sky Was Opened – Well played, creepy episode about astronauts returning to earth… or did they? Or were they ever here? Or were you?? TZ makes us question our grasp of reality.

11:00 AM -- Ring-a-ding Girl – Medium episode about movie star returning to her home town and throwing a “celebrate me” party. Or is she? Even though it’s not great, I always find myself watching this one all the way through.

11:30 AM -- Escape Clause – I only like this one because I like David Wayne, but it’s not a great episode, just a grim morality play about the value of mortality. *Yawn!*

12:00 PM -- Mr. Garrity And The Graves – A more humorous take on the “value of mortality” theme, plus “be careful what you wish for.”

12:30 PM -- In Praise Of Pip – I LOVE this episode. I REALLY love this episode (and did I mention I love this episode?). Jack Klugman delivers a top-notch, tragic performance as a dying no-good trying to do right by his serviceman son, Pip (a much less fearsome Billy Mumy). Sweet, sad magical ending.

1:00 PM -- Queen Of The Nile – Dopey episode about life-sucking millennia-old Egyptian queen. Blah blah blah. Skip it. "Long Live Walter Jameson" handles the material much more skillfully.

1:30 PM -- A Nice Place To Visit – Another “be careful what you wish for” morality tale about what Hell might really be like.

2:00 PM -- The Last Flight – Well-acted drama about WWI fighter pilot who lands in 1960s England. Should he return to save his squadron? You betcha!

2:30 PM -- Mr. Bevis – Loser gets all he desires (money, nice apartment), only to learn he can’t be his true whackadoo self and keep up appearances. Moral: Enjoy who you are.

3:00 PM -- The Old Man In The Cave – Confused story set in a post-apocalyptic future of 1974 (!!!). Town listens to the “old man” until soldiers tell them not to be superstitious – and it doesn’t work out well for anyone. What’s the message? Don’t trust your own perceptions? Ugh. Only worth watching for a young James Coburn.

3:30 PM -- A Penny For Your Thoughts – Not a classic, but one of my favorites, featuring a young Dick York (the first Darren from Bewitched.)

4:00 PM -- The Hunt – This mediocre folksy tale by The Waltons creator Earl Hamner Jr. has been recycled as internet glurge. Guy and dog have died and are walking along the road to heaven. Guy at pearly gate says, “No dogs allowed.” Guy says, “I ain’t going nowhere without my hound…” Sheesh.

4:30 PM -- Walking Distance – I LOVE this episode, a classic (#8 on the Time list) about a frustrated exec who, longing for his boyhood days, visits his hometown – only to find himself a grown-up amidst his own childhood. Insightful lesson about valuing the present and not romanticizing the past.

5:00 PM -- A Hundred Yards Over The Rim – Underrated episode featuring a very young Cliff Robertson as a pioneer dad who will go yards, miles and years to heal his ailing son.

5:30 PM -- A Most Unusual Camera – Idiotic episode about three greedy idiots undone by a magic camera. Hokey, ridiculous, predictable ending. Skip it.

6:00 PM -- I Sing The Body Electric – Sweet episode about robot nanny lovingly bonding with tots.

6:30 PM -- It's A Good Life – One of the most famous episodes (#2 on the Time list) featuring little Billy Mumy as a terrifying child who can create and destroy at will. The brilliant Cloris Leachman is his petrified mother. (“That’s a good thing you did… A real good thing… Now please wish it into the cornfield!).

7:00 PM -- Eye Of The Beholder – A classic (#10 on the Time list) about the relativity of beauty, the lengths we will go to be beautiful – or to at least conform – and the dangers of conformity. Note: the girl at the end (Donna Douglas, of Beverly Hillbillies) is a different actress than the one under the bandages (Maxine Stuart), but she speaks in her own voice -- doing a very good impression of Stuart!

7:30 PM -- The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street – #1 on the Time list. The text of one is included in grade-school anthologies. Beautifully written masterpiece about fearing thy neighbor. The brilliant Claude Akins is considered the lead, though it is a true ensemble piece. Don’t miss it.

10:00 PM -- The Hitch-hiker –A driver keeps seeing the same hitch-hiker thumbing a ride as she heads west…. A deliciously Hitchcockian morality/mortality play about fear and acceptance.

10:30 PM -- Will The Real Martian Please Stand Up – This was voted 8.5 on the IMDB, but I think it’s dopey and ridiculous. Bus passengers are stranded at a diner – but there is one too many. Oh, and rumor has it that a spacecraft crashed nearby. Give me a break.

11:00 PM -- The Howling Man – A visitor to a monastery is disturbed to find the monks have a screaming guy locked up. Well, they must have a good reason… A lot of people like this one. I think it’s pretty meh. Features John Carradine as a monk.

11:30 PM -- The Masks -- One of the GREAT underrated episodes, and the only TZ episode to be directed by a woman, Ida Lupino (she also starred in “The Sixteen-Millimeter Shrine”, which is not featured in this marathon). A crusty millionaire geezer tells his greedy family he will die before Mardi Gras is over – but they must wear freaky custom masks through the evening if they want to claim their inheritance.