Sunday, November 11, 2012

Response to Kaeshi & Brad—Part IV: Sabotage

The day after I posted my critique of PURE's War & Peace performance in an Open Letter to Kaeshi Chai, she sent a response that I understand made significant rounds through the internet. Since it contains many false and hurtful statements about me and others, I feel compelled to respond.

What follows is the fourth part of that response. For further info, please see:
(Kaeshi's letter, continued)
...I continued to defend her and gave her many opportunities to shine such as MCing at Djam NYC and Bellyqueen events (2008 anniversary, Tough Love Valentine event with Rachel Brice) and eventually she rose to the position of director and co-creator for the PURE Reflections show.
OK, so once again, note the blatant contradiction:  She claims I was causing, from her description, quite severe problems in the group (Carol Bad!). But rather than bring this to my attention, or make any effort to resolve it, she "continued to defend [me]" (Kaeshi Good!), purportedly sacrificing membership in the process. Is this the act of a good leader?

Also note: She does not scrimp on factual details when they exist.

And, lastly, regarding the "opportunities to shine," please note that everything she lists involves my work as a stand-up comic, emcee, theatrical writer, director, and actor—skills which I had developed to a professional level years before I'd met Kaeshi.

While I appreciated sharing a stage with Rachel Brice, I did so as a fellow professional, not an aspirant being given a chance at the big time. It is also worth noting that while Kaeshi occasionally offered payment for my services, she rarely got around to paying me—and I never pursued payment, as I supported her work wholeheartedly.

Further: she never gave me a single opportunity to shine as a dancer—which, one would hope, one's dance teacher would do. In fact, she tended to be very discouraging towards my desire to dance professionally, citing my age, weight and lack of significant ballet training as obstacles.

Once, by way of explaining why I should not expect to get much dance work, she showed me a request for a dancer she'd received, saying, "You see here? It says, 'The dancer must be young and very attractive!'"
Last year, I was completely overwhelmed with 3 full length theater shows, (Bellydance Evolution, Bellyqueen's Silk Road show, PURE's Reflections show), Bellyqueen's full length touring show with Djinn and Beatbox Guitar, my solo career, weekly Djam NYC events and increased classes at the Bellyqueen school, so against my better judgement, I delegated and handed over the reins to Carol to run PURE NYC as a facilitator along with some others.
Once again, she gives lots of details where they factually exist—but when it comes to describing what happened with me, she ominously states, "so against my better judgement, I delegated and handed over the reins to Carol..." (Carol Bad!) Now, this implies something terrible happened during the time I "[ran] PURE NYC as a facilitator along with some others..." but she gives no hint at what this may have been.

Because nothing bad happened. It's just a big, fat lie.

I put together workshops and brought in some excellent guest instructors. And while attendance was moderate, feedback on my work was good—which Kaeshi herself acknowledged.
I realized shortly after the death of Jeniviva, a vivacious and vibrant young dancer in the NYC community who was killed in a car accident last November, that life is short and you must surround yourself with those you love and bring joy into your life.
While Jeni's death was an incomprehensible tragedy that woke us all up as to the value of life and love, should not such an awakening inspire one to mend one's relationships with others, rather than be used as a wedge to drive an unwanted few away? Is the former not more in accordance with PURE's mission of healing and peace? Isn't the latter nothing more than a justification of bullying and ostracism?

Granted, I have ended relationships that were harmful, and it is appropriate to do so when one is overtly abused and/or exploited. But I did not treat Kaeshi or anyone else this way; if anything, she behaved this way towards me, and I tolerated it because the good in our relationship outweighed the bad, plus my work in PURE Reflections was important to me.

For example, in Japan, she ridiculed publicly me as a "typical loud American tourist," and made many petty criticisms about things like my throwing floss in the toilet. In one shocking moment, when I corrected her about a choreography sequence, she barked, "Don't f*ck with me! I am a very strong person." I asked her to check the video of the choreography, and she returned, "Why? So you can prove I'm wrong?"

Her behavior towards me in Florida was even more outrageous when, for example, I stepped forward to lead the "tall" line in our mid-week Foundation rehearsal—as I had the Sunday before—she railed at me in front of the group, "Oh, are you going to lead Foundation now? I mean, just because I am the Artistic Director of PURE and created the choreography is no reason why I should lead it!!"

The dancers were stunned.
I booked Jeniviva to perform for Halloween last October but I could not attend because I was busy playing mediator in a conflict Carol was having with some the [sic] other PURE facilitators on the same night. 
This is an extremely low blow.

Apparently I am to blame for her missing Jeni's last performance. (Carol Bad!) That Jeni was my friend too, and I was devastated by her death, does not seem to enter Kaeshi's mind.

Plus:  It is only half-true.

There was a meeting with Pacita, Kaeshi, and me, but Kaeshi was not "playing mediator." Rather, she attended because she herself had caused the conflict and was appropriately claiming responsibility.

The conflict was this:

Since I had been effectively leading PURE NYC while Kaeshi traveled, and had organized and directed PURE Reflections in NY and Taiwan, as well as coordinated our participation in September Concerts, Kaeshi asked me to take a back seat—to let Pacita and Alura step up for the Halloween Parade while I focused on preparing PURE Reflections for Florida.

But by October 19th, no rehearsals had been scheduled, no studio space booked, no email had even been sent to the group asking who wanted to dance in the parade just twelve days away! I spoke to Liz Free, wondering if I should say something.

The next day, I wrote to Alura and Pacita asking if they would email the group. Alura wrote back asking for information; I responded that she had the same information that I had, and to "please send a reminder to the usual group."

And the argument began.

Alura insisted she had been taking action, but wasn't sure who was in charge; Pacita insisted that she had never been told she was in charge, adding: "if it is not your project and it fails, then let it fail."

I responded that I had spoken to Liz about "letting it fail" but could not do so because I had "a personal and professional commitment to PURE."

Alura shot back: "By the way, Carol, it's very un-PURE to talk about sabotaging an event with another dancer in the group.  I find it very offensive that you decided to portray myself and Pacita as not picking up the slack, when there was clearly a communication problem."

Kaeshi herself finally weighed in:  "I will claim full responsibility for the miscommunication. Sorry for not being clearer. Alura texted me when I was overseas and I answered some but not all of my e-mails."

So. Pacita says "let it fail" and that gets turned into, "you're sabotaging PURE." And nobody is stepping up to do the work. So I gave up. I wrote to Kaeshi saying I would not participate in the parade and was considering resigning from PURE altogether.

Kaeshi was very concerned about this and asked to have lunch with me to convince me to stay in PURE as the work I'd done had kept the group together while her obligations to Bellyqueen and Bellydance Evolution kept her travelling.

We had a warm and encouraging discussion, and she asked if I would meet with Pacita and Alura to smooth things out with them. Pacita and I agreed, though Alura bailed on the meeting at the last minute (Pacita and I met with her a few days later, without Kaeshi).

So, contrary to her claim of a "deteriorating relationship" with me, this meeting was intended to affirm her appreciation of me and my work for PURE, and I expressed sincere thanks to her for it. And even though we met at a restaurant near Je'Bon and could have caught the tail end of Jeni's show—we were tired and agreed to blow it off.

A regrettable decision.

To be continued in Part V: Kaeshi's "Red Zone"
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