Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Response to Kaeshi & Brad—Part VIII: Transgressions


The day after I posted my critique of PURE's War & Peace performance in an Open Letter to Kaeshi Chai, she sent a response that I understand made significant rounds through the internet. Since it contains many false and hurtful statements about me and others, I feel compelled to respond.

What follows is the eighth part of that response. For further info, please see:
(Kaeshi's letter, continued)
Regarding the issue of the ex-treasurer of PURE, Liz Free who she is also publicly accusing me of unfairly casting out, I will let the facts speak for themselves. Keep in mind that this is something I would prefer not to share, mostly for the Liz's [sic] reputation, but Carol continues to bring it up publicly so unfortunately, I can no longer remain silent. ... 
Once again, Kaeshi lies.

I had not ever, directly or indirectly,  in any public or semi-public forum, brought up any aspect regarding Kaeshi's allegations towards or treatment of Liz. Her false accusation that I "[continue] to bring it up publicly" seems intended to cast blame on me (again) for "forcing" Kaeshi's hand in disclosing the details of the matter.

But I have not, and I will not do this. I will, however, discuss Kaeshi's actions towards Liz and her shifting perspective on these allegations.

Since, therefore, this section of the letter contains Kaeshi's claims against Liz—which range from exaggerated to outright fabricated—I am redacting this portion.

Let it suffice to say that, yes, Liz transgressed. The degree of transgression is debatable, but let me offer these facts which, speaking for themselves, tell the story of a minor transgression and a questionably delayed yet vicious overreaction by Kaeshi:

(1) Liz did something that she knew Kaeshi had done many times.

(2) Kaeshi had never been clear with Liz or anyone else as to whether or not this act was permitted.

(3) Kaeshi discovered Liz's actions when Kaeshi, herself, undertook that very same action in early September.

(4) Kaeshi deemed Liz's actions to be a transgression and confronted her about it on Tuesday, September 13, 2011. Liz acknowledged her actions without defensiveness, denial or equivocation, further agreed to Kaeshi's definition of those actions as a transgression, and agreed to make restitution.

(5) Per Kaeshi's request, I and another member of PURE who specializes in these matters met with Liz in October to determine how best to repair the situation. Liz made partial restitution within a week of this meeting, with a promise of completion by the end of the year as her resources allowed (which, incidentally, she did).

(6) I discussed this situation with Kaeshi several times in September and October, and she agreed that Liz had merely made an error in judgment and, as such, Liz remained in her position as an Officer of PURE for three months.

(7) During the two weeks after her return from Florida's PURE Reflections, Kaeshi contacted me over a half-dozen times by email, voice, and text/Facebook messaging. Due to the abusive tone of these messages, I did not respond to them. The last of these messages arrived via Facebook on Tuesday, December 12 at 11:35pm.

(8) On Tuesday, December 12, 2011 at 11:50pm—fifteen minutes after her final message to me, and having not contacted Liz about the matter for three months—Kaeshi sent the following email to Liz:
We can approach this two ways, either we can be quiet and civil about it or I will press charges and share what you did with the rest of the community. What you did was a criminal act and there are consequences to your actions. 
I suggest you respond promptly to this e-mail or pick up the phone when I call you tomorrow...
Aside from the inappropriate abrasiveness of the tone, as well as the threat of defamation (which she has now made good on, blaming me in the process), note the implication that Liz had been ignoring her when, in fact, Liz had been responsive and proactive.

It was me who had been ignoring Kaeshi, not Liz. Yet her words suggest she had conflated us in her mind to be one person who did not "respond promptly."

The following morning, Kaeshi sent Liz two more similarly abrasive emails in quick succession claiming her actions "[qualify] as a felony."

(9) On Wednesday, December 13, 2011 at 1:36pm, Liz replied to Kaeshi, detailing the meeting with me and the other PURE member, what our assessment had been, and what Liz had to do to make amends. She pointed out that she had already done the agreed upon portion in October, and said explicitly when and how she would complete the work, and further added, "Yes I transgressed and I am sorry... However I am making restitution."

Liz also begged some compassion regarding the sudden deaths of her boss and of JeniViva, who had been her teacher, friend, and main influence in dance at that time, writing: "[A]s you can imagine the office is in a tailspin and today even more so ... between my Boss passing, the memorial and the grief I am still experiencing over the loss of Jeniviva I am very very distracted."

(10) Kaeshi replied with the following:
I was not present at the meeting with [Carol and the other PURE member] and am not in agreement [as to your full restitution]. 
First I need to embark on my own investigation and ... then I will come up with my own [assessment]. ... 
You have engaged in criminal activity, have broken my trust and friendship and betrayed the moral code of PURE. You are no longer welcome in my circle. If I hear from others about you speaking negatively of me, Jebon, PURE or Bellyqueen, I will not hesitate to share with them the truth of what happened.
Now, I reiterate, Kaeshi sent these threatening emails a full three months after the situation came to light, during which time Kaeshi let Liz believe that her apology and restitution were accepted, and that all was forgiven.

This cannot be stressed too strongly:  Kaeshi has claimed that she did not deal fully with the matter in September, October, and November because of her "overloaded schedule," but shouldn't something that warrants threats of arrest and public condemnation be dealt with quickly, fully, and finallly? If it were so serious, why did Liz remain an Officer of PURE during that entire time!?

And in the first two weeks of December, Kaeshi had had plenty of time to badger me with emails, etc. but did not contact Liz once about this purportedly serious infraction. It was only after she was not able to reach me that she directed her attention to Liz, a much more vulnerable member of the dance community from whom she knew she could compel a prompt response.

And so, by the whim of her own unchecked fury, Kaeshi reversed on Liz without warning and ripped her to shreds with silencing, blackmailing threats of arrest, defamation, and ostracism, should she dare to express her own perspective on the situation (or even a critical word about Je'Bon?!?).

I ask you: what kind of person does this??

And she continues ignoring or rebuffing Liz's most earnest pleas for kindness: "Kaeshi, I know you can be compassionate and you have a Good Heart. I Never [sic] meant to hurt you or PURE. I got stupid and I am very very sorry!!!"

I chose the more humane route of not pressing charges if she promised to [repair the damage]. ...[A transgression like this] is not OK, especially [in] a peaceful organization like PURE... She is a grown adult woman who has free choice over her own behavior. I do not want "friends" that take advantage of my trust in my circle and Yes [sic], I did ban her from the Bellyqueen School, PURE and Djam events because of her actions.
This content is addressed above, although notice the word "humane," which she also used in her private email to me of May 30, 2012:
I also confronted her multiple times and she simply ignored me. She only responded after I told her I would go to the police. I could have pressed charges and had her arrested but I chose the more humane course of action and decided to settle it ourselves. 
A word like "compassionate" or "merciful" would have sufficed, yet Kaeshi chose "humane"—most often associated with animals and executions—which indicates bestowing mercy worthy of a human on one who is not, or is undeserving of same.

In short, Kaeshi dehumanized Liz in order to abuse and shun her.

Note also in this paragraph Kaeshi's lie that "[Liz] ignored [her and ]... only responded...after [Kaeshi] told her [she] would go to the police."

Truth is a very flexible commodity in Kaeshi's world.

To be continued in Part IX: The Inner-Warrior
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2 comments:

Eshtar-Lucretia said...

Hi all its me Liz Free I had not made any comments until now because I felt that this was an issue between Kaeshi and Carol, and the issue I had with Kaeshi was between us and as far as I was concerned it was resolved, However seeing what Kaeshi stated that I was not aware of, I felt I needed to clarify and put my two cents in.

Ok, lets start with this

"Regarding the issue of the ex-treasurer of PURE, Liz Free who she is also publicly accusing me of unfairly casting out"

I respectfully disagree with this statement.
I never ever publicly accused Kaeshi of being unfair or casting me out.
IF I were asked about it and/or IF I brought up the subject I made it clear that I was at fault, I got stupid, very stupid and made restitution for my stupidity.

There was no compassion of any kind from Kaeshi only more threats that bordered on blackmail and extortion.
After I made as full of a restitution as I deemed to be correct I stopped getting emails, so I presumed that the issue between Kaeshi and me had been resolved.
Its been a year now and while some of the dancers in the community seem to shun me, some others don't. I no longer attend any events at Jebon and have found others studios to take classes. I feel sad about not being part of PURE, but like I said my fault my stupidity.

November 21, 2012 at 8:28 AM
Tandava (Carol Henning) said...

Thank you for your comments, Liz! Please let me clarify, though -- Kaeshi was saying that it was me who had accused her of unfairly casting you out; she is not saying you said that.

And I believe she did unfairly cast you out.

And while I respect your sense of honor and integrity to believe that this treatment is somehow a fair or justifiable response to your actions -- I must respectfully disagree with that.

It was not fair. And it was not right. Because what you did was not so horrible; at least it was no more horrible than Kaeshi's own actions in the same vein.

Both her and your actions were pretty stupid things to do in my opinion and, as an officer of PURE myself, I was not pleased to learn about either.

But you and she are human and make mistakes.

Further, if this mistake were so bad, she just should have had you step down from PURE when it first came to light. End of story.

Instead, she waited three months, during which time you had begun to make restitution; she ignored the fact that you had done this and went on the warpath against you.

It was simply vindictive and cruel.

And unfair.

To make matters worse, if indeed some in the dance community have shunned you because she "shared what you did" with them -- in spite of the fact that you DID make restitution -- then she does not even have enough integrity to honor the terms of her own blackmail!!!

November 21, 2012 at 9:25 AM

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