Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Response to Kaeshi & Brad—Part IX: The Inner-Warrior

The day after I posted my critique of PURE's War & Peace performance in an Open Letter to Kaeshi Chai, she sent a response that I understand made significant rounds through the internet. Since it contains many false and hurtful statements about me and others, I feel compelled to respond.

What follows is the ninth part of that response. For further info, please see:
(Kaeshi's letter, continued)
I believe that Carol's motivation with writing her public essay dissecting our 10 minute choreography is she wants to prove to the world that we are lost at sea without her "superior intelligence" as our compass to stay true to the message of PURE.
My motivation was stated directly in the introduction to the critique: I sought to demonstrate that the War & Peace performance "was [Kaeshi's] effort to come to terms with the conflict she felt towards me, but sadly it was ineffectual in its intended message of peace and reconciliation. While the presentation itself is enjoyable and entertaining ... it is senselessly violent and sadly off-the-rails from the message of PURE that I and others have embraced these many years."

I parsed the action of the piece and offered truthful and, where possible, unequivocally substantiated evidence to support my opinion.

Kaeshi does not offer any quote of mine to support her conclusion, yet blithely presumes to look inside my mind for motives regarding "superior intelligence" and PURE's "compass."

But applying a discerning eye to an art has far less to do with intelligence than it does with knowledge of that art, as well as uncompromising honesty and integrity. It is a skill I have taken decades to develop and have encouraged her and others in PURE to do the same.

That is all that is needed as a "compass to stay true to the message of PURE." And indeed, she herself proclaimed the piece would "explore the conflict between two sides escalating into war and the subsequent consequences, loss of life and eventual evolution to forgiveness, healing, peace and celebration..." which is very much in line with PURE's mission, proving the compass is intact and functioning.

Kaeshi is just not looking at it.
With very little time, we created an engaging and powerful dance piece that was wonderful to perform and witness.
Totally true. And I said so myself:  "[T]he choreography is indeed impressive and exciting; it is clear everyone worked very hard on it to a stunning effect." And Rita said so too. There was never any problem with the choreography; the only problem was with the narrative and whether the message was appropriate to PURE.
It allowed women who have suffered greatly in their lives to access their inner warrior and to have the courage to come out share that with others. It was a refreshing change of pace from the regular Foundation choreography (which has already been performed over and over for the last 8 years).
This may be, and it's a wonderful development—and as a student of martial arts myself I can attest that combative posturing is excellent to help women connect with "warrior energy." But since we don't walk through our lives with swords and staves at a ready stance, let me ask:

How does "[accessing the] inner warrior... [help those] who have suffered greatly in their lives ... to have ... courage"?

It is in this:

Our inner-warrior is the grounded, discerning part of ourselves that enables us to form and defend our own perceptions and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. It is not afraid to stand up against conflicting perceptions, nor is it afraid to seek further information that might newly inform those perceptions or beliefs.

It contains our strength and integrity; it honors our most trenchant observations and most powerful feelings. It can hold the inner world up to the outer, recognizing both, invalidating neither—giving voice to the inner, while fully hearing the outer—balancing, negotiating, defending, receiving with skillful equanimity.

Above all, the blade of the inner-warrior seeks truth; it can discern and cut away that which is false, whether that falseness comes from within or without. And when it comes from without, the inner-warrior will proudly face rejection from another in favor of its own hard-won integrity.

As War & Peace was being created, many dancers realized it was going off the rails. And some stood up and spoke truth to power.

It's a painful situation, and one in which I have not always fared so well myself. Rejection, ostracism, disconnection—for women in particular who are taught to please and comfort—these can be devastating consequences which persistently compel us to undermine ourselves, our own perception of reality, in favor of another's perception.

As women, we allow ourselves to be defined far too readily by the perceptions of others ... which gives others tremendous power over us. Powerlessness is the chief aspect of suffering, so our inner-warrior can indeed transform our suffering as we connect to its authentic power.

But just as Brené Brown warns that you can't selectively numb emotion, so too you can't selectively dull your warrior blade.

If you make a choice to accept another's version of reality above your own perceptions, above your own duty to learn the facts that might inform a truthful perception—for the sake of living in that person's world, playing in their playground, and availing yourself of their playthings—then your inner-warrior will become no more than a toy soldier with a paper blade that will crumple to a wad when you most need its strength.
I am proud of everyone and am incredibly thank you [sic] for the leap of faith and investment of energy and time to helping bring my vision to life.
The words "my vision" indicate that it was not a group creation, developed through months of exploration of the theme, but rather the enactment of her personal agenda.
I'm really sorry to drag you guys into this conflict. 
She says's she's "really sorry" but some odd 1,300 words later, this rings somewhat hollow.

Recall, again, most people receiving this email had no idea what she was talking about, some predictably responding, "I was just made aware of what's been happening from Kaeshi's email and this shocks me."

Kaeshi's first words describe an "attack" and so her most devoted friends understandably leapt to her defense—with no clue as to what they were defending against—lavishing effusive praise on Kaeshi, which strikes me as a highly manipulative exploitation of their affection.

Inasmuch as she needed to respond, she should have done so in a professional, respectful form that addressed the actual points I made in a forum in which I could respond if need be, rather than undertaking a semi-secretive, falsehood-laden wholesale assassination of  Liz's and my character.
My sincere hope is that Carol will heal from this, move on with her life and take her boundless energy and talent and start up her own group or project instead of channeling it into negativity toward me and PURE. 
Thank you in advance for listening to my perspective,
xoxo,
Kaeshi
Given the overwhelming number of outright lies and savage accusations in this letter, the words "sincere," "hope," and "heal" seem a bit out of place.

I have been alternately irritated and amused by Kaeshi's repeated "hope" that I "heal" from injuries she, herself, remorselessly caused (but takes no responsibility for having caused), and then her dovetailing praise ("boundless energy and talent") with recrimination ("negativity toward me and PURE").

And in this, the compliment becomes an insult, as she implies I am misusing my "energy and talent" by shining a light on her abusive and unethical behavior, characterizing my focus on justice as "negativity."

And then there is the lying.

Even here she manages to slip in one final untruth with her "hope...that [I]...start up [my] own group or project," when she knows full well that I have a self-written full-length touring solo theater show, dance frequently in solo and group performances, am active in musical improv, perform Shakespeare with an acclaimed theater company, have my own non-profit arts company, and teach!

Further, it is precisely because my creative and professional world is larger than PURE, Bellyqueen or even the bellydance community that I am able to speak up at all; everyone else who has been similarly mistreated has been cowed into silence for fear of harming their status in the dance community.

Once again, she paints a self-serving, derisive image of me to fit her wholly delusional version of reality.

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